Today’s Reflection
What am I addicted to?
Theme: Clarity
It’s funny that this is the question I get on the first day of my 40s. This morning I received a plea deal and forfeiture agreement that would have paying $18.5m back to the government. I am not going to take this, I am going to fight it. I figure I have three months to ship and deliver null/space, and I have never felt so focused. After reading through the deal I was literally shivering with fear about being locked up for 4 years. But then a 30 minute run later, I resolved this: I choose to believe. I choose to believe I can create, and bounce back from all the harm and hurt I caused. I have everything I need to get it done, and I will. I need to stop LARPing as a tech bro and get back into manager mode. I need to accept that there are things that will take me a long time to fully understand, but that we should press ahead anyway. Anna’s parents left this morning, and after a walk through the park, it’s going to be go time for my 40s.
Morning
I am grateful for…
The opportunity to show what I’m made of this decade, harnessing the full power of everything I’ve learned over the last 18 months.
What would make today great?
A beautiful walk in the park then setting out the agenda for the next 3 months.
Daily affirmation
I can create. I choose to believe.
What am I worried about? (Stoic premeditation)
The risk of being locked up and not being able to deliver on my promises.
Evening
3 amazing things that happened today
- Walked around Prospect Park with Anna and Malinka
- Decided it was in the best interests of my investors to fight the plea deal
- Resolved that I have 3 months to release something great
How could I have made today even better?
A bit more sleep.
What did I learn today?
It’s day one of war for me. I am going to see what I’m made of.
What is within my control, and what is not?
Habits
- anki: no
- math: no
- kindle: no
- yoga: no
- cardio: yes
- weights: no
Interesting Links
A post from @pipelineabuser on X, in response to the quote from Sartre “I have led a toothless life. A toothless life. I have never bitten into anything. I was waiting. I was reserving myself for later on—and I have just noticed that my teeth have gone.” — most people are pussies. they keep waiting for the “right time” to start. they’re “preparing” and “researching” and “getting ready” while the years slip by. sartre nailed it - you’re reserving yourself for later and then one day you wake up and realize later never comes. the teeth are gone. the window closed. you spent so long sharpening the axe that you forgot to swing it. i see this constantly. guys who’ve been “about to launch” for 3 years. founders who need “just one more feature” before they can ship. people who won’t post content until their brand is “ready.” ready for what? ready for who? nobody is coming to give you permission. nobody is going to tap you on the shoulder and say “ok now you’re qualified.” the market doesn’t care about your preparation. it only cares about what you put in front of it. the difference between people who make it and people who don’t isn’t talent or intelligence or connections. it’s the willingness to look stupid in public. to ship something embarrassing. to fail where people can see you. most people would rather protect their ego than build something real. they’d rather be a “future founder” forever than an actual founder who shipped something mid. but here’s the thing - everything is mid at first. your first product will be bad. your first content will be cringe. your first sales calls will be awkward. that’s the point. you’re not supposed to be good yet. you’re supposed to be in the arena getting punched in the face and learning. the guys winning right now aren’t smarter than you. they just started earlier and failed more times. they have scar tissue you don’t have because you’ve been on the sidelines “preparing.” every day you spend waiting is a day someone dumber but more aggressive is taking your market share. the best time to start was 5 years ago. the second best time is today. not tomorrow. not next week. not when you finish that course or read that book or save that money. today. send the cold email. post the tweet. ship the landing page. make the call. you will be bad at it. you will feel like a fraud. you will get rejected and ignored and laughed at. good. that’s the curriculum. that’s how you earn the skills that actually matter. the people who “made it” aren’t special. they just refused to stay on the sidelines. they bit into life with whatever teeth they had left instead of waiting for a perfect set that was never coming.